“The Lesson” by Roger McGough
Before anyone leaps in here and applies 21st century knee-jerk American moral values to this, I remember this poem from when I was a kid. Its at least 30 years old and written as satire. Look up “absurdity” and surreal humour too - the fact that the images in the poem are so vivid and extreme - into the realm of the absurd - make it funny; in employing such extremes the poet stepped over and walked a good distance beyond a line delineating real and believable from the clearly fictional and absurd. The poem lives on today whenever I hear someone or see a sign saying “first come, first served” or anyone makes a comment about awkward silences. Anyhow, on to the poem!
The Lesson
by Roger McGough
Chaos ruled OK in the classroom
as bravely the teacher walked in
the nooligans ignored him
hid voice was lost in the din
“The theme for today is violence
and homework will be set
I’m going to teach you a lesson
one that you’ll never forget”
He picked on a boy who was shouting
and throttled him then and there
then garrotted the girl behind him
(the one with grotty hair)
Then sword in hand he hacked his way
between the chattering rows
“First come, first severed” he declared
“fingers, feet or toes”
He threw the sword at a latecomer
it struck with deadly aim
then pulling out a shotgun
he continued with his game
The first blast cleared the backrow
(where those who skive hang out)
they collapsed like rubber dinghies
when the plug’s pulled out
“Please may I leave the room sir?”
a trembling vandal enquired
“Of course you may” said teacher
put the gun to his temple and fired
The Head popped a head round the doorway
to see why a din was being made
nodded understandingly
then tossed in a grenade
And when the ammo was well spent
with blood on every chair
Silence shuffled forward
with its hands up in the air
The teacher surveyed the carnage
the dying and the dead
He waggled a finger severely
“Now let that be a lesson” he said |
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on Saturday, October 20th, 2007 at 5:20 am and is filed under Funny.
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October 20th, 2007 at 5:56 am
I remember our head reading this during assembly one day, when I was in primary school. I thought it was hilarious at the time, and still find it funny. I’m sure most of my teacher friends would agree that there have been days when this would have been a proportionate response!
October 20th, 2007 at 9:27 am
Ah… sweet memories.
October 20th, 2007 at 1:27 pm
You’re away on a retreat and you’re blogging at 5am? And POETRY?!