Audio Blog Entries

Archive for the ‘Funny’ Category

Horse Wisdom

Friday, April 20th, 2007

A coworker sent me this:

The Tribal wisdom of the North American Indian, passed on from generation to generation, says that, “When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.”

However, in the corporate world, and especially in government agencies, more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:

  1. Buying a stronger whip.
  2. Changing riders.
  3. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
  4. Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride horses.
  5. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.
  6. Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired.
  7. Outsourcing the issue to dead horses overseas.
  8. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
  9. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.
  10. Providing additional funding and/or training to increase dead horse’s performance.
  11. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse’s performance.
  12. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overhead and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses.
  13. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.
  14. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position

Thanks, I needed the laugh that provided!

Sequels that should NEVER have been made

Monday, March 5th, 2007

In the realm of bad movies, there’s a general rule that if it’s a movie based on a videogame, it’s a virtual (pun intended) certainty to suck big-time. The only thing I can think of that’s worse than a movie based on a video game is the sequel to one of those movies. I have a category of movies: “sequels that should never have been made” and I have to say, “BloodRayne II: Deliverance” lands fair-and-square right in the middle of it. Come on … even the acting genius (and “star” of the original “BloodRayne” movie) Kristanna Loken declined to participate!

The Police + International Jokes

Monday, February 12th, 2007

I heard the news that The Police had reformed to perform for the Grammy awards, and there was a rumour that they would tour. Thanks to a co-worker I have a link: they are playing St Louis on July 2nd! I’m excited (to say the least) … having spoken to the venue in question already about tickets! :-)
There’s a joke that says,

In European Heaven,
  • the English are the police
  • the Germans are the mechanics
  • the French are the cooks
  • the Italians are the lovers
  • and the whole place is run by the Swiss

In European Hell,

  • the English are the cooks
  • the Germans are the police
  • the Swiss are the lovers
  • the French are the mechanics
  • and the whole place is run by the Italians

Well, I’m soooo glad that the joke didnt say “the lovers are English” given a recent news article that said:

Britons ignorant about sex, survey reveals

LONDON (Reuters) - Nearly one in three Britons think that if a woman jumps up and down, washes or urinates immediately after sex, she can prevent pregnancy, a survey revealed Monday.

It was one of a string of revelations in the survey carried out by the Family Planning Association (fpa) at the start of Contraceptive Awareness Week.

Mac vs. PC ads

Friday, February 9th, 2007

It turns out that those fantastic Apple adverts - two guys standing there who introduce themselves “Hi, I’m a Mac / and I’m a PC” - have been redone for different countries. The conversations are remarkably similar but obviously localized. Take a look at the UK versions and compare with the original USA versions.

A head-to-head comparison of the 2:

USA Version UK Version
Mac: Hello, I’m a Mac

PC: …and I’m a PC

Mac: I’m into doing fun stuff like movies, music, podcasts, stuff like that

PC: I also do fun stuff like timesheets and spreadsheets and piecharts

Mac: Ok, uhh, no by fun I mean more in terms of … for example it would kinda hard to capture a family vacation, say, with a piechart. You know?

PC: Not true.

Mac: Oh?

PC: For example this light gray area could represent hang out time whereas this dark gray area could represent just kicking it.

Mac: Yeah, no, I feel like I was there.

Mac: Hello, I’m a Mac

PC:  …and I’m a PC

Mac: I’ve been doing fun stuff like movies, music, podcasts

PC:  And I also do fun stuff like spreadsheets and timesheets … and piecharts

Mac: Yeah, PC, it’s quite hard to capture a family holiday with, say, a piechart

PC:  Not really. For example, this light grey area could represent shinanigans and tomfoolery while this dark grey area could represent hijinks and you see here we further divided hijinks into capers, monkey-business and just larking about.

Mac: Wow. I feel like I was there.

Cat Haiku

Thursday, January 18th, 2007

Merinda sent a link that I simply had to share: Cat Haiku. Hidden among the many other poems were a few absolute gems:

You never feed me.
Perhaps I’ll sleep on your face.
That will sure show you.

and

Wanna go outside.
Oh, poop! Help! I got outside!
Let me back inside!

oh, and not to mention:

You must scratch me there!
Yes, above my tail!
Behold, elevator butt.

Just the thing to brighten up your morning!