Archive for the ‘Funny’ Category

It’s a lip

Sunday, December 5th, 2010

Tangle lip curl Elvis lip curl

Cute, especially when he does his Elvis impersonation, but dumb as a box of rocks.

A square meal

Thursday, December 2nd, 2010

A square meal

Pachelbel Rant

Saturday, October 9th, 2010

Fortune Cookie

Saturday, September 25th, 2010

Fortune Cookie

What can I say? How did the cookie know?

(Note: Im starting a new job for Square on Monday…)

Let me count the ways

Thursday, November 12th, 2009

Eclipse IDE

How do I loathe thee? Let me count the ways.
I hate thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I loathe thee to the level of everyday’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I despise thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I loathe thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I loathe thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I loathe thee with a hatred I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,—I loathe thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!—and, if God choose,
I shall but loathe thee better after death.

With apologies to the original author. How is it possible for a simple piece of computer software to draw out such ire? Grrr.


Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008

Blogging : Never before have so many people with so little to say said so much to so few

Never before have so many people
   with so little to say
      said so much
         to so few.

Talk like a pirate day … Arrg!

Friday, September 19th, 2008

What can I say? It’s awesome when ye have th' right WordPress plugin enabled.

Random bits

Tuesday, September 9th, 2008

A couple of news stories on the English “Daily Telegraph” news site caught my eye. First one that said:

Legal bid to stop CERN atom smasher from ‘destroying the world’

The world’s biggest and most expensive scientific experiment has been hit by a last minute legal challenge, amid claims that the research could bring about the end of the world.

James Gillies, spokesman for CERN, insisted that despite the huge amounts of energy the Large Hadron Collider will produce, it posed no risk to the safety of the planet.

He said: “The case before the European Court of Human Rights contains the same arguments that we have seen before and we have answered these in extensive safety reports.

The Large Hadron Collider will not be producing anything that does not already happen routinely in nature due to cosmic rays. If they were dangerous we would know about it already.

“We are now concentrating on firing the first beams around the collider and then on fine tuning it until we can get collisions, when the science will start.”

A spokesman for the European Court of Human Rights confirmed the lawsuit had been lodged and the petition to obtain an emergency injunction against CERN was rejected. She said: “There will therefore be no bar to CERN carrying out these experiments but the applicants can continue with this case here at the ECHR.”

and then, another story

JK Rowling ‘delighted’ at decision to ban Harry Potter encyclopaedia written by a fan

JK Rowling has spoken of her “delight” at winning her copyright battle against a fan who planned to publish a Harry Potter encyclopaedia.

She had described the Harry Potter Lexicon as “wholesale theft” of her work.

In court papers, Mr Vander Ark, 50, said he was a teacher and school librarian in Byron Centre, Michigan, before recently moving to London to begin a career as a writer.

He said he joined an adult online discussion group devoted to the Harry Potter books in 1999 before launching his own website as a hobby a year later.

Since then, neither Rowling nor her publisher had ever complained about anything on it, he said.

In his court statement, Mr Vander Ark said the Lexicon “enhances the pleasure of readers of the Potter novels, and deepens their appreciation of Ms Rowling’s achievement”.

Rowling, who has earned £560 million through the Potter books, told the judge she had not brought the case for the money, but because the Lexicon was “atrocious” and “sloppy” with “very little research”.

The seven Potter books, which ended last year with the final book in the series, Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows, have been published in 64 languages, sold more than 400 million copies and produced a film franchise that has pulled in 4.5 billion US dollars at the worldwide box office.

On the one hand Science and on the other Fiction. Totally me. Add to that the “geek” factor that I am running the new Google Chrome web browser (and loving it)!

I wonder, in the JK Rowling story, when it says “adult online discussion group devoted to the Harry Potter” if that means it was a group for grown ups, or whether the tone of the postings were “adult” in nature. If it’s the latter I can clearly see why Rowling would object – slashfic ought to have nothing to do with a kid’s genre book! Authors have a tenous (at best) relationship with fan fiction writers. Some encourage it (Rowling has said in the past that she was “flattered” that people wanted to write their own stories based on her characters), some tolerate it, others actively try to stamp it out (Anne Rice has consistently and aggressively prevented fan fiction based on any of her characters, as has Raymond E. Feist and Anne McCaffrey).

BBC Writing Prompt

Friday, September 5th, 2008

The BBC Website reported

Distinctively odd
For the past 30 years, the Bookseller magazine has awarded a prize to the oddest book title it can find. The first ever winner was Proceedings of the Second International Workshop on Nude Mice

Mind-boggling as that is, it is far from the strangest. Now the top prize has been won by the 1996 magnum opus Greek Rural Postmen and Their Cancellation Numbers, published by the Hellenic Philatelic Society and edited by Derek Willan.

They finished by saying:

We want to give listeners a chance to construct their own stories, inspired by the titles which have won every year.

The Diagram Prize for Oddest Book Title of the Year

  • 1978: Proceedings of the Second International Workshop on Nude Mice
    (University of Tokyo Press)
  • 1979: The Madam as Entrepreneur: Career Management in House Prostitution
    (Transaction Press)
  • 1980: The Joy of Chickens
    (Prentice Hall)
  • 1981: Last Chance at Love: Terminal Romances
  • 1982: Population and Other Problems
    (China National Publications)
  • 1983: The Theory of Lengthwise Rolling
  • 1984: The Book of Marmalade: Its Antecedents, Its History and Its Role in the World Today
  • 1985: Natural Bust Enlargement with Total Power: How to Increase the Other 90% of Your Mind to Increase the Size of Your Breasts
    (Westwood Publishing Co)
  • 1986: Oral Sadism and the Vegetarian Personality
  • 1987: No Award
  • 1988: Versailles: The View From Sweden
    (University of Chicago Press)
  • 1989: How to Shit in the Woods: An Environmentally Sound Approach to a Lost Art
    (Ten Speed Press)
  • 1990: Lesbian Sadomasochism Safety Manual
    (Lace Publications)
  • 1991: No Award
  • 1992: How to Avoid Huge Ships
    (Cornwell Maritime Press)
  • 1993: American Bottom Archaeology
    (University of Illinois Press)
  • 1994: Highlights in the History of Concrete
    (British Cement Association)
  • 1995: Reusing Old Graves
    (Shaw & Son)
  • 1996: Greek Rural Postmen and Their Cancellation Numbers
    (Hellenic Philatelic Society)
  • 1997: The Joy of Sex: Pocket Edition
    (Mitchell Beazley)
  • 1998: Development in Dairy Cow Breeding and Management: and New Opportunities to Widen the Uses of Straw
    (Nuffield Farming Scholarship Trust)
  • 1999: Weeds in a Changing World
    (British Crop Protection Council)
  • 2000: High Performance Stiffened Structures
    (Professional Engineering Publishing)
  • 2001: Butterworths Corporate Manslaughter Service
  • 2002: Living With Crazy Buttocks
    (Kaz Cooke – Penguin)
  • 2003: The Big Book of Lesbian Horse Stories
    (Kensington Publishing)
  • 2004: Bombproof Your Horse
    (J A Allen)
  • 2005: People Who Don’t Know They’re Dead: How They Attach Themselves to Unsuspecting Bystanders and What to Do About It
    (Gary Leon Hill – Red Wheel/Weiser Books)
  • 2006: The Stray Shopping Carts of Eastern North America: A Guide to Field Identification
    (Harry N Abrams)
  • 2007: If You Want Closure In Your Relationship, Start With Your Legs
    (Simon & Schuster US)

If that doesn’t make for a fun writing prompt, I don’t know what would!

I am…

Wednesday, August 6th, 2008

I feel somehow dirty. See, I really dislike Alanis Morissette and will leave the room if her music is playing. It was “hate at first sight” – she appeared on the Jools Holland show back in 1995 performing “You oughta know” – I remarked at the time that she sounded like an angst-ridden little harpy. I’ve not really changed my mind since. You can imagine the reaction, then, when I was writing the “about” tagline for the blog and I thought “Im a geek and believer …” and some song lyrics came to mind:

I’m a bitch I’m a lover
I’m a child I’m a mother
I’m a sinner I’m a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I’m your hell I’m your dream
I’m nothin’ in between
You know, you wouldn’t want it any other way

The song appeared, fully formed with full backing, and her voice attached. The words rearranged themselves

I’m a geek and believer
I’m a ‘limey’ I’m a husband
I’m a sinner, I’m a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I’m a writer and I’ll dream
I’m nothin’ in between
You know, you wouldn’t want it any other way

I filked an Alanis song? Ewww.