“Nooligan” by Roger McGough

As much as this poem is humour, pointing out the teenage bluster and posturing inherent to boys of that age, it was also a profound learning tool for me. I came to see, and mentally label, school bullies and violent idiots as “nooligans”. I saw through their mask. So, here’s proof that poetry has had an effect on me.

“The Lesson” by Roger McGough

Before anyone leaps in here and applies 21st century knee-jerk American moral values to this, I remember this poem from when I was a kid. Its at least 30 years old and written as satire. Look up “absurdity” and surreal humour too – the fact that the images in the poem are so vivid and extreme – into the realm of the absurd – make it funny; in employing such extremes the poet stepped over and walked a good distance beyond a line delineating real and believable from the clearly fictional and absurd. The poem lives on today whenever I hear someone or see a sign saying “first come, first served” or anyone makes a comment about awkward silences. Anyhow, on to the poem!

Horse Wisdom

A coworker sent me this:

Thanks, I needed the laugh that provided!

Sequels that should NEVER have been made

In the realm of bad movies, there’s a general rule that if it’s a movie based on a videogame, it’s a virtual (pun intended) certainty to suck big-time. The only thing I can think of that’s worse than a movie based on a video game is the sequel to one of those movies. I have a category of movies: “sequels that should never have been made” and I have to say, “BloodRayne II: Deliverance” lands fair-and-square right in the middle of it. Come on … even the acting genius (and “star” of the original “BloodRayne” movie) Kristanna Loken declined to participate!

The Police + International Jokes

I heard the news that The Police had reformed to perform for the Grammy awards, and there was a rumour that they would tour. Thanks to a co-worker I have a link: they are playing St Louis on July 2^nd! I’m excited (to say the least) … having spoken to the venue in question already about tickets!

There’s a joke that says,

In European Heaven,

• the English are the police
• the Germans are the mechanics
• the French are the cooks
• the Italians are the lovers
• and the whole place is run by the Swiss

In European Hell,

• the English are the cooks
• the Germans are the police
• the Swiss are the lovers
• the French are the mechanics
• and the whole place is run by the Italians

Well, I’m soooo glad that the joke didnt say “the lovers are English” given a recent news article that said:

Britons ignorant about sex, survey reveals

LONDON (Reuters) – Nearly one in three Britons think that if a woman jumps up and down, washes or urinates immediately after sex, she can prevent pregnancy, a survey revealed Monday.

It was one of a string of revelations in the survey carried out by the Family Planning Association (fpa) at the start of Contraceptive Awareness Week.

Mac vs. PC ads

It turns out that those fantastic Apple adverts – two guys standing there who introduce themselves “Hi, I’m a Mac / and I’m a PC” – have been redone for different countries. The conversations are remarkably similar but obviously localized. Take a look at the UK versions and compare with the original USA versions.

A head-to-head comparison of the 2:

USA Version UK Version Mac: Hello, I’m a Mac PC: …and I’m a PC Mac: I’m into doing fun stuff like movies, music, podcasts, stuff like that PC: I also do fun stuff like timesheets and spreadsheets and piecharts Mac: Ok, uhh, no by fun I mean more in terms of … for example it would kinda hard to capture a family vacation, say, with a piechart. You know? PC: Not true. Mac: Oh? PC: For example this light gray area could represent hang out time whereas this dark gray area could represent just kicking it. Mac: Yeah, no, I feel like I was there. Mac: Hello, I’m a Mac PC:  …and I’m a PC Mac: I’ve been doing fun stuff like movies, music, podcasts PC:  And I also do fun stuff like spreadsheets and timesheets … and piecharts Mac: Yeah, PC, it’s quite hard to capture a family holiday with, say, a piechart PC:  Not really. For example, this light grey area could represent shinanigans and tomfoolery while this dark grey area could represent hijinks and you see here we further divided hijinks into capers, monkey-business and just larking about. Mac: Wow. I feel like I was there.

Cat Haiku

Merinda sent a link that I simply had to share: Cat Haiku. Hidden among the many other poems were a few absolute gems:

You never feed me.
Perhaps I’ll sleep on your face.
That will sure show you.

and

Wanna go outside.
Oh, poop! Help! I got outside!
Let me back inside!

oh, and not to mention:

You must scratch me there!
Yes, above my tail!
Behold, elevator butt.

Just the thing to brighten up your morning!